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General VFW Topics / Burial in a National Cemetery
« Last post by IJK3770 on April 06, 2017, 08:25:21 am »
Follow this link to learn about burial in a National VA Cemetery.  There have been some recent changes that will allow for pre-planning.
General VFW Topics / Re: Membership directory
« Last post by DoggyDaddy on March 15, 2017, 02:37:44 pm »
My college is doing the same soliciting to group/identify graduation classes in a directory. 
A fund raiser is all it is.
General VFW Topics / Re: Membership directory
« Last post by ZAP44 on March 13, 2017, 04:41:09 pm »
American Legion Dept of Maine is doing the same thing with the same outfit  I got a mailing, made the mistake of replying thinking project was to document veterans then started getting phone calls looking to sell me a book.  It's a money making scheme period...with publishing concepts making most of the money.  And I agree with you.  This kind of data collection could end up being used for illegal purposes.
General VFW Topics / Membership directory
« Last post by iamholm on March 11, 2017, 12:12:04 pm »
Need your opinions. State has partnered with a private company to create a membership directory (hardbound and over $100 per edition if you decide to order it). I have received post cards and emails informing me that an "important member verification" is due and it provides a number to this organization. Each communication is signed by our state Adjutant/Quartermaster. They have put up a FAQ page on the state website ( if you would like to take a look at what is being said about this initiative.

I am posting in this forum because I need a sanity check on my reaction to this initiative. Perhaps this is something posts, districts, states, and perhaps even national have done in the past? I called the number and talked to the representative and did opt out, but why is my information being bandied about and perhaps sold?  The solicitations have just enough importance given to their wording and look to make them appear to be a requirement for membership in the VFW and that concerns me greatly - especially in this day and age.

What if I had thrown away the post card/ignored the e-mails? Would my personal information be printed in a book I could have easily dismissed as junk mail? How many members are contacted for personal information and end up the  victims of identity theft? (I'm not implying this company or the VFW are responsible, but scams are becoming ubiquitous.) If anyone can order these directories, what kind of control is placed on how the data will be used (the answer to that is you cannot control it)? Please provide me some feedback on this initiative!
Open Forum / Re: you're not paranoid if they really are out to get you
« Last post by shapeshifter on March 10, 2017, 09:46:14 pm »
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)
Open Forum / you're not paranoid if they really are out to get you
« Last post by shapeshifter on March 09, 2017, 04:03:32 pm »
"I, Gomer Pyle, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign but mainly domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same except when a whistle needs to be blown; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the Wall Street billionaires appointed over me, according to regulations and the UCMJ so help me Allāh"

For last 20 years I have been labeled a paranoid freak because I warned everyone that would listen that the United States was on it's way to becoming a police state and I now take great pleasure in saying "I told you so". Thank god for great American heroes like Smedley Butler, Ed Snowden, Chelsea Manning and the currently unknown CIA "Vault 7" leaker for telling us what I already knew but lacked the evidence to prove it. The 4th amendment is meaningless to the egg sucking weasels currently in power - I wonder which amendment is next on the chopping block? I've also been getting a good chuckle out of everyone crying about the Russians messing with our election. First of all a 15 year old could have pulled off the social engineering hack that got into John Podesta's email server and there is absolutely no evidence that the Russians did it. Even if the Russian's did do it it's total hypocrisy for us to bitch about it.  Our government would never ever try to sway the outcome a foreign election, haw haw. Seriously, we have be influencing free and democratic elections since 1945 to get the results that are best for our national security which actually means what's best for big business and not for the people of said countries. We are still being brainwashed that the Russians are our enemy which couldn't be further from the truth. They act like they do because we are putting full combat brigades on their borders in the Baltic states and Poland. What would we do if they did the same in Mexico or Canada? Answer: It would start WWIII.

I know that most of you on this forum are proud American combat vets like I and think that your sacrifices were just but your are dead wrong. We are actually pawns of the Wall Street elite that couldn't give a f**k about us. Lose both of you legs in combat and get paid $3K a month from the VA while the 1 percent makes billions off of our blood. That doesn't really seem fair to me.  If I hear someone say "My country right or wrong" again I'm going to stick a lobster fork in their eye for good measure.
Open Forum / Obama's Military Legacy ► How The Troops Rated Him
« Last post by DoggyDaddy on January 16, 2017, 02:42:33 am »
Obama's Military Legacy ► How The Troops Rated Him | Part I

Between Dec. 16 and 21, Military Times and Syracuse University's Institute for Veterans and Military Families conducted a voluntary, confidential online survey of U.S. service members. The questions focused on President Barack Obama’s time in the White House and the nation's current political climate. The survey received 1,664 responses from active-duty troops. A standard methodology was used by IVMF analysts to estimate the weights for each individual observation of the survey sample. The margin of error for questions on Obama’s popularity is 2%. Other questions have slightly higher margins of error. The survey audience was 87% male and 13% female, and had a mean age of 30 years old. The respondents identified themselves as 7% white, 12% Hispanic, 11% African American, 4% Asian and 9% other ethnicities. Respondents were able to select more than one race.
President Barack Obama will step down after eight years as commander in chief with one of the most influential tenures leading the U.S. military, but not necessarily the political support of service members. His moves to slim down the armed forces, move away from traditional military might and overhaul social policies prohibiting the service of minority groups have proven divisive in the ranks. His critics have accused him of trading a strong security posture for political points, and for allowing the rise of terrorists like the Islamic State group whom the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were supposed to silence. But Obama’s supporters define him as the Nobel Peace Prize winner who ordered the elimination of Osama bin Laden and refocused military strategy while wrestling with an uncooperative Congress and unprecedented budget restrictions. They insist the military is more nimble now, and
more prepared to deal with unconventional warfare against non-traditional threats across the globe.
More than half of troops surveyed in the latest Military Times/Institute for Veterans and Military Families poll said they have an unfavorable opinion of Obama and his two-terms leading the military. About 36% said they approve of his job as commander in chief. Their complaints include the president’s decision to decrease military personnel (71% think it should be higher), his moves to withdraw combat troops from Iraq (59% say it made America less safe) and his lack of focus on the biggest dangers facing America (64% say China represents a significant threat to the U.S.) But more than two-thirds support Obama's mantra that securing America means building strong alliances with foreign powers. And more than 60% think his use of drones and special forces teams for precision strikes — instead of large-scale military operations — has helped U.S. national security.
That’s a conflicted response to a president who entered the White House vowing to end U.S. involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan but instead leaves as the first American president to oversee two full terms with combat troops deployed to hostile zones. In a departure memo released 5 JAN, Defense Secretary Ash Carter defended Obama’s “record of progress” with the military by praising the White House moves as creating “a smaller yet more technologically advanced and capable military that is ready for the threats of today and the challenges of tomorrow.” “America is today the world’s foremost leader, partner, and underwriter of stability and security in every region across the globe, as we have been since the end of World War II,” Carter wrote. “But even as we continue to fulfill this enduring role, it’s also evident that we’re entering a new strategic era ... and it requires new ways of thinking and new ways of acting.”
  The White House did not respond to repeated requests for an interview with Obama to discuss his defense moves and the military legacy he’ll leave behind. In a farewell speech during a military honor review on 4 JAN, Obama said he saw his top priority overseeing America’s military as balancing the need to use force with the need to honor the armed forces. “You committed yourself to a life of service and of sacrifice,” he said. “And I, in turn, made a promise to you ... that I would only send you into harm's way when it is absolutely necessary, with the strategy, the well-defined goals, with the equipment and the support that you needed to get the job done. Because that’s what you rightfully expect and that is what you rightfully deserve.” Still, many troops see Obama less as a wartime commander in chief and more as a politician managing Pentagon affairs. Through his presidency Obama has
 repeatedly promised to keep the military “the strongest fighting force the world has ever known” but many troops question his stewardship of the institution, particularly when it comes to the defense budget.
  “There’s no question this era will go down as the third ‘hollow’ army, and it’s the president’s fault,” said James Jay Carafano, deputy director of international studies at the conservative Heritage Foundation. “For all his promises, the operations tempo hasn’t gone down as much as he hoped, and he has invested little in the military.” Troops responding to the Military Times/IVMF poll saw years of defense budget fights as the largest blemish on Obama’s presidency. Two-thirds said spending caps enacted in 2011 have had a very negative effect on military morale, and another 28 percent said it was harmful to a lesser extent. Fewer than two percent saw the budget caps as a positive for the military. Conservatives have attacked Obama for the lower defense budgets for years, arguing that his insistence on pairing military spending with non-defense spending has crippled Pentagon efforts to modernize and recapitalize.
  The caps — known as sequestration — have been blamed for shortfalls in parts and repairs, cuts in training time and a gradual drawdown in military manpower. They’ve also contributed to a host of compensation trims, as Pentagon leaders have held down pay increases and stipend raises in recent years to help offset funding reductions in other areas. Obama has shouldered much of the blame for sequestration, even with lawmakers approving the plan and failing to draft a repeal. In recent years, administration officials have tried to push back on the narrative that the president is responsible for that host of budget fights that have consumed Washington and, by extension, the military.
  “The Defense Department has faced this new strategic era while dealing with significant impediments presented
 by Congress, including budget uncertainty, the first government shutdown in a generation, the repeated denial of reform proposals to make the defense enterprise more efficient, and efforts to micromanage the organization of the department,” Carter said in his memo. “Despite this, the Department has been able to manage its strategic priorities during eight consecutive years that began with continuing resolutions, albeit at increasing levels of programmatic risk.” Still, independent military advocates have said lower-than-anticipated defense budgets put enormous strain on military families in recent years. A November Military Times/IVMF poll, conducted in the immediate aftermath of Donald Trump's election victory, showed that more than 60% of active-duty service members felt improving troops’ pay and benefits should be a top priority of the incoming administration.
  Obama has pushed back on the idea that tighter budgets have ruined the services, one of Trump's favorite talking points. Last week, Obama said the military remains “the most capable fighting force on the face of the Earth” despite financial challenges. “Our Army, tested by years of combat, is the best-trained and best-equipped land force on the planet,” he said. “Our Navy is the largest and most lethal in the world, on track to surpass 300 ships. Our Air Force, with its precision and reach, is unmatched. Our Marine Corps is the world’s only truly expeditionary force. Our Coast Guard is the finest in the world.” The White House in recent years has helped broker a pair of short-term deals to get around the budget caps, but failed to find a permanent solution with Republican leaders. Trump has promised to do just that, but will likely face the same political obstacles. Carafano said he is hopeful that a change in administrations will produce different results. “We don’t have a just-in-time industrial base anymore, so any changes in defense spending will be gradual,” he said. “But these problems are reversible. We just have to have a president who is interested.”

[Source: MilitaryTimes | Leo Shane III & George R. Altman | January 8, 2017 ++]

Obama's Military Legacy ► How The Military Rated Him | Part II

Budget concerns were at the core of Trump’s attacks on Obama on the campaign trail, with accusations that the president was uninterested in “defending” America and too quick to prefer diplomacy over military might. In
 speech before troops in Florida in December, Obama said that he never shied away from military intervention, but instead took a responsible, cautious approach to those grave decisions. “I believe that we must never hesitate to act when necessary, including unilaterally when necessary, against any imminent threats to our people,” he said. “But I have also insisted that it is unwise and unsustainable to ask our military to build nations on the other side of the world, or resolve their internal conflicts.”
  Obama will leave office with American military units still in the Middle East and Afghanistan, but overseeing training and assistance missions, not direct combat. He has received criticism both for failing to zero-out those deployments and moving too fast to pull down the numbers before those regions were fully secure. “He’s a reluctant warrior,” said Phil Carter, director of the Military, Veterans and Society Program at the progressive Center for a New American Security. “He has struggled to end the wars overseas and fulfill those promises, and he never managed to do so.” Troops polled appear divided on whether Obama ever achieved the proper balance on those deployed force levels. Nearly 60% of poll respondents said the drawdown of U.S. troops from Iraq made America less safe. A slightly smaller 55% said moves to pull U.S. forces out of Afghanistan has hurt this country’s national security. While half of troops surveyed see the reduced emphasis on large-scale overseas missions as harmful to military readiness, 45% see the shift to training and advising missions as a positive for the armed forces.
  For his part, Obama appears to have no such qualms about the approach. “Instead of pushing all of the burden onto American ground troops, instead of trying to mount invasions wherever terrorists appear, we’ve built a network of partners,” Obama said in his speech, calling his decisions “a smart strategy that can be sustained.” But Trump and Republican lawmakers have ridiculed the president’s foreign policy as scattered, quick to find any option other than a possible fight. They point to what they see as an overly trusting agreement with Iranian hard-liners over nuclear weapons and indecisive, unfulfilled threats against Syrian President Bashar Assad for attacks on his own
 people. And a host of Obama’s own former defense officials have helped pile on that narrative.
  In his memoir, former Defense Secretary Robert Gates blasted Obama as a leader “who doesn’t believe in his own strategy” and said his plans in Iraq and Afghanistan were “all about getting out.” He also accused Obama of distrusting senior military leaders, and treating them as potential adversaries.
 Retired Marine Corps Gen. James Mattis, head of U.S. Central Command under Obama and Trump’s nominee to serve as defense secretary, last fall called Obama’s anti-ISIS strategy “unguided by a sustained policy or sound strategy, replete with half-measures.”
 While overseeing U.S. operations in Afghanistan in 2010, Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal was effectively fired by Obama after reports of their fights over military strategy were made public.
 In 2014, Army Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, today a top adviser to Trump, was dismissed as director of the Defense Intelligence Agency over his criticism of Obama’s soft approach to Islamic terrorism.
   The president's conflict with military leaders came even as First Lady Michelle Obama launched the White House Joining Forces initiative, designed to better educate the public on the service and sacrifice of military personnel and their families.
  The biggest impact of Obama’s tenure may be felt by those serving in the ranks, and how dramatically that population has changed in recent years. Since 2009, White House-led changes have allowed gay troops to serve openly for the first time, women to serve in combat posts, same-sex couples to receive military benefits, and transgender service members to announce their presence in the ranks. “Inertia is the most powerful force in the Defense Department,” said Phil Carter, the analyst, who served as an Army adviser in Iraq in 2005-2006. “Some of these changes may have happened without [Obama], but he gets credit for forcing them quicker than they wanted.” It’s unclear if the departing president will get credit or blame.
 About 30% of troops surveyed in the latest poll said the Pentagon's move to open all combat jobs to women has hurt military readiness, versus 15% who see it as a positive and the new open-service policy for transgender troops is less popular, with 41% of those surveyed calling it harmful and only 12% calling it
 Both moves leave the majority of troops in the middle, saying the changes have had no real effect on unit
 The repeal of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” law was seen by many in the military community as a significant
problem when it was finalized in 2010, but now is seen as no big deal to most troops. Only 17% of troops surveyed by Military Times and IVMF saw openly gay troops as a negative for military readiness, versus 24% who believe it has improved the force and 58% who say little changed after the repeal was finalized.
  Obama and a host of defense officials have defended the changes as a way to “strengthen the military” without compromising military readiness. “As an all-volunteer force, the Defense Department must be able to draw from 100 percent of America’s population, focusing purely on a person’s willingness and ability to serve our country,” Ash Carter wrote in his exit memo. “We can no longer afford to allow barriers unrelated to a person’s qualifications topreventusfromrecruitingandretainingthosewhocanbestaccomplishthemission.” PhilCartersaidthat,long- term, those policies could be among the most significant military moves of Obama’s presidency. Advocates have called them life-altering for their members.
  Following the “don’t ask, don’t tell” repeal, officials from the Human Rights Campaign lauded the moves as long-overdue permission for “brave men and women currently serving to have the freedom to come out and be honest with their comrades about who they are and who they love.” Officials from the Service Women’s Action Network called the combat roles expansion “a new era for American women to serve the nation with valor and courage on the battlefield.”
  Among troops in the poll, Obama was more popular with officers (44% favorable rating) than enlisted troops (35% favorable) and more popular among Navy personnel (43 percent favorable) than those in any other service. In each of those groups, the percentage of troops who held a negative view of his presidency still outweighed his supporters. That has been a recurring theme for Obama among the military. Past reader polls by Military Times (which unlike the IVMF-partnered polls were not conducted in a scientific manner) have consistently shown him with higher unfavorable numbers than positive marks. Right after taking office in 2009, 40% of readers said they had an unfavorable view of him, with 35% having a favorable opinion. His favorable marks dropped down in similar reader polls in following years, and his unfavorables grew.
  Still, the outgoing president does appear to be admired by some segments of the military. More than 60% of women have a favorable view of him, in contrast with 36% who disliked his presidency. Roughly 57% of minorities in the military approve of the work done by the country’s first black president. And almost 90% of troops who voted for Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton (about 29% of service members in the poll say they did) have a favorable opinion of the last eight years of White House policies. Now, all of those them will answer to a new commander in chief. Nearly 49% of troops who voted in the last election said they cast a ballot for Trump, and he enters this Oval Office with 46% of active-duty service members saying they have a favorable view of him and 37% saying they have an unfavorable view.
In his exit memo, Ash Carter warned that the incoming administration will face many of the same challenges that Obama faced, albeit with a better plan of attack from the outgoing president. “While the next administration will continue to be challenged by an evolving security environment, I am confident that our military is up to the task of protecting our nation in the years ahead,” he wrote.
[Source: MilitaryTimes | Leo Shane III & George R. Altman | January 8, 2017 ++]
For Veterans: VFW Texas / State Veteran's Benefits & Discounts ► Texas 2017
« Last post by DoggyDaddy on January 16, 2017, 02:24:06 am »

The state of Tennessee provides several benefits to veterans as indicated below. To obtain information on these plus discounts listed on the Military and Veterans Discount Center (MCVDC) website, refer to the attachment to this Bulletin titled, “Vet State Benefits & Discounts – TX” for an overview of the below benefits. Benefits are available to veterans who are residents of the state. For a more detailed explanation of each of the below benefits refer to & benefits.html
 Veteran Housing Benefits
 Veteran Financial Assistance Benefits
 Veteran Education Benefits
 Veteran Employment Benefits
 Other State Sponsored Veteran Benefits
 Discounts
[Source: JAN 2017 ++]
For Veterans: VFW Wyoming / Fraud & Abuse
« Last post by DoggyDaddy on January 16, 2017, 02:20:23 am »
Laramie, WY -- A former U.S. Marine who accepted gifts and honors, including a letter from Gov. Matt Mead, after falsely claiming to have been wounded in combat has pleaded no contest to a charge of obtaining property by false pretense. The Laramie Boomerang reports that Adam P. Snow, of Laramie, entered the plea to the misdemeanor charge recently in state Circuit Court. Last year, Snow accepted a rifle and plaque from the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation after he said he had been wounded multiple times during combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. He also received a personal letter from Mead. Albany County Undersheriff Josh DeBree says some area residents questioned Snow's accounts. An investigation, aided by U.S. Navy officials, determined Snow was a weather observer who was never injured. [Source: The Associated Press | January 12, 2017 ++]
Jokes / Have You Heard? ► How to live like you're in the U.S. Navy
« Last post by DoggyDaddy on December 15, 2016, 09:02:45 pm »
 ► How to live like you're in the U.S. Navy

1.. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.
2.. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.
3.. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray."
4.. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.
5.. Perform a weekly dis-assembly and inspection of your lawnmower.
6.. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week so all showering is secured.
7.. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.
8.. Have your next-door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille, Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
9.. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.
10.. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours, and hang a sign on the door that reads "Secured-contact OA division at X-3053."
11.. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for you to leave your house before 3pm.
12.. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over and then board up all the windows and doors to your house for months. After the 6 months is up, take down the boards, wave at your friends and family through the front window of your can't leave until the next day you have duty.
13.. Shower with above-mentioned friends.
14.. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.).
15.. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.
16.. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly "lighted off."
17.. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway three times a day, whether they need it or not. (Now sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms, give the ship a clean sweep-down fore and aft, empty all trashcans over the fantail)
18.. Repaint your entire house once a month.
19.. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.
20.. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.
21.. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.
22.. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel.
23.. Avoid watching TV with the exception of movies, which are played in the middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.
24.. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.
25.. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
26.. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it "world travel."
27.. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get promoted.
28.. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead bodies of your co-workers. 29.. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.
30.. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone, and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and order them to man their battle stations. ("General quarters, general quarters, all hands man your battle stations")
31.. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking the pantry and refrigerator.
32.. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an hour, when they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don't pay attention to the menu any more so they just ask for hot dogs.
33.. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the oven and spread the icing on real thick to level it off.
34.. In the middle of January, place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have you family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4-hour intervals.
35.. Lock yourself and your family in your house for 6 weeks. Then tell them that at the end of the 6th week you're going to take them to Disneyland for "weekend liberty." When the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for Engineering-certification, and that it will be another week before they can leave the house.
36.. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your wife whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack."
37.. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub, move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while you soap down.
38.. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, find a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.
39.. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
40.. For ex-engineering types: leave the lawn mower running in your living room eight hours a day.
41.. Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore his complaints.
42.. Lock-wire the lug nuts on your car.
43.. Buy a trash compactor, but use it only once a week. Store the garbage on the other side of your bathtub.
44.. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread.
45.. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night, jump up and get dressed as fast as you can making sure you button up the top button on your shirt, stuff you pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.
46.. Once a month, take every major appliance apart and put them back together again. 47.. Install a fluorescent lamp under the coffee table and then get under it and read books.
48.. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through one of them.
49.. Every so often, throw the cat in the pool and shout, "Man overboard, starboard side" Then run into the house and sweep all the pots and dishes off the counter. Yell at the wife and kids for not having the kitchen "stowed for sea."
50.. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go stand in front of your stove. no one in particular "Stove manned and ready" Stand there for three or four hours. And say again to no one in particular "stove secured." Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a box.
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