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Author Topic: Senior Citizens - PART 1  (Read 13735 times)

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Offline DoggyDaddy

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Re: Senior Citizens - PART 1
« Reply #45 on: May 31, 2012, 09:26:21 am »
Never know what an old guy will say. I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes [he's 66]. We decided to get a bite to eat at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in different colors-green, red, orange and blue. My dad kept staring at her. the teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring everytime. When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad I quickly swallowed my food so I would not choke on his response: I knew he would have a good one! In classic style without batting an eyelid: "Got stoned once and made it with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
Joe Kleinsmith
All State VFW Post 1716 Cmdr (1998-2000)
Cpt, VFW Post Honor Guard, Retired (1991-2009)
SC-SB County Council Cmdr (1996-1997)
SFC, US Army, Retired (1971-1991)
Full Time RV'er
www.vfwwebcom.org/ca/post1716
http://vfwwebcom.org/ca/Post1716HonorGuard/

Offline DoggyDaddy

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Re: Senior Citizens - PART 1
« Reply #46 on: May 31, 2012, 09:35:47 am »
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep."
Joe Kleinsmith
All State VFW Post 1716 Cmdr (1998-2000)
Cpt, VFW Post Honor Guard, Retired (1991-2009)
SC-SB County Council Cmdr (1996-1997)
SFC, US Army, Retired (1971-1991)
Full Time RV'er
www.vfwwebcom.org/ca/post1716
http://vfwwebcom.org/ca/Post1716HonorGuard/

Offline DoggyDaddy

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Re: Senior Citizens - PART 1
« Reply #47 on: May 31, 2012, 01:05:39 pm »
Shot my first turkey yesterday!
Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section.
It was awesome!
Getting old is so much fun...

Remember: Don't make old People mad.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
Joe Kleinsmith
All State VFW Post 1716 Cmdr (1998-2000)
Cpt, VFW Post Honor Guard, Retired (1991-2009)
SC-SB County Council Cmdr (1996-1997)
SFC, US Army, Retired (1971-1991)
Full Time RV'er
www.vfwwebcom.org/ca/post1716
http://vfwwebcom.org/ca/Post1716HonorGuard/

Offline DoggyDaddy

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Re: Senior Citizens - PART 1
« Reply #48 on: January 29, 2013, 02:01:38 am »
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist
who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting
room was filled with patients. As he approached the
receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a
large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He
gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;YOU WANT TO SEE THE
DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads
around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered
quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause

DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.
Joe Kleinsmith
All State VFW Post 1716 Cmdr (1998-2000)
Cpt, VFW Post Honor Guard, Retired (1991-2009)
SC-SB County Council Cmdr (1996-1997)
SFC, US Army, Retired (1971-1991)
Full Time RV'er
www.vfwwebcom.org/ca/post1716
http://vfwwebcom.org/ca/Post1716HonorGuard/

Offline DoggyDaddy

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Re: Senior Citizens - PART 1 - LOST: ABE & ESTHER
« Reply #49 on: March 04, 2013, 02:02:44 am »
LOST: ABE & ESTHER

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week
Vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news.
Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency
Landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and
We should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we
May never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of
our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,
"Esther, did we pay our Visa and MasterCard bill yet?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther,
did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the installment
Check to the IRS this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that
one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"


Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
Joe Kleinsmith
All State VFW Post 1716 Cmdr (1998-2000)
Cpt, VFW Post Honor Guard, Retired (1991-2009)
SC-SB County Council Cmdr (1996-1997)
SFC, US Army, Retired (1971-1991)
Full Time RV'er
www.vfwwebcom.org/ca/post1716
http://vfwwebcom.org/ca/Post1716HonorGuard/

Offline DoggyDaddy

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Re: Senior Citizens - PART 1 - THREE SISTERS
« Reply #50 on: February 18, 2014, 11:17:04 pm »
Three sisters 88, 89, and 90 years old living together.
The 90 year old starts up the stairs and getting about half way up turns and shouts back to her younger sister asking Sister was I going up the stairs or coming down the stairs?
The 89 year old in the bathroom then also Asks the younger 88 year old, Sister was. I getting in the bathtub or getting out of the bathtub?
The 88 year old feeling exasperated by now says to herself Lord I hope I never get that. Feeble (knock on wood)
She then hollers up the stairs saying I will be there in just a minute to help y'all...............
But first I have to answer the door.
Joe Kleinsmith
All State VFW Post 1716 Cmdr (1998-2000)
Cpt, VFW Post Honor Guard, Retired (1991-2009)
SC-SB County Council Cmdr (1996-1997)
SFC, US Army, Retired (1971-1991)
Full Time RV'er
www.vfwwebcom.org/ca/post1716
http://vfwwebcom.org/ca/Post1716HonorGuard/